I am inspired by LingLing’s post that never will be to tell share a little of my dating horrors.

After the breakup of my second marriage, when I felt that I was ready to start dating again, I started going to the clubs with my new roommate and I also placed a personal ad with Yahoo Personals. A met a couple of really nice guys, but the majority of the men I met were real jerks.

I met a guy named Brian at a club one night and danced with him a couple of times, but for the most part, he spent most of the evening hanging out with his buddies. That didn’t bother me at all as I really wasn’t interested in him. My roommate and I got tired and decided to go home. As I passed this gentleman and his friends on my way out the door, he stopped me and asked if I was leaving. When I told him I was going home, he offered to walk me out to the car. When we got out to the car he swooped in on me like a vulture. His kiss was like making out with a Hoover with teeth. He literally had my entire mouth inside of his and I had bite marks on my upper lip. After this wonderful kiss, he then asks me to stay there with him and he would buy me breakfast in the morning.

I thought, “Oh my God, does that actually ever work for him?” Knowing that men like him don’t take no for an answer, I told him that I had to take my roommate home because she was too drunk to drive and that I would come back to the club and meet up with him. I quickly hopped in the car, backed out of the parking space, rolled down the window and yelled out, “Sucker!” as I sped past him.

Then there was Pete, whom I met at another club. We danced together most of the night and I found him very attractive. He didn’t drink a lot and he wasn’t real handsy like a lot of guys tend to be in the clubs. We stepped outside and strolled around talking. We seemed to have a lot in common and he was very nice, so when he leaned in to kiss me, I was receptive. We kissed a few times, then he stopped, looked me in the eye and told me he was engaged. In fact, he was getting married in only a couple of days. His friends had brought him to the club as sort of a bachelor’s party. He wanted to tell me all about his fiance and his cold feet. I just looked at him and said, “Good luck to your new wife, she’ll need it.”

The worst were the guys I met through the internet though. When I placed my personal ad, I mentioned that I was not looking for a serious relationship. I might as well have put, “Horny Slut seeks Stud for Secret Sex Sessions”. Most of the men who answered my ad were either married, at least 10 years older, 10 years younger or certifiable freaks. And almost all of them were looking for a one-night stand.

I met one guy, Rick, who had a fetish for large breasted women. Now, most men have a certain part of the female anatomy that they find attractive. Some men like legs, some rear-ends, some really like breasts. This guy however, had an unnatural obsession with them. He might as well have been on a date with just my boobs. I don’t think he made eye-contact with me the whole time. His conversations all centered around breasts, how much he loved them and how great mine were. I am used to guys being fascinated by my knockers, I do have a great rack after all. This guy though, creeped me out. He started talking about how he could just play with them and suckle them for hours. He didn’t even care about having intercourse with a woman, he just wanted her tits in his face. Ewwwww, can you say pervert? I am still grossed out.

I think the worst though was Sean. We talked via email and over the phone for weeks before I decided to meet him. He really seemed to be down to earth and a lot of fun. We decided to meet at a local restaurant, but instead of waiting for me inside, he was standing out in the parking lot. I had told him what kind of car I was driving so he recognized it when I pulled up. He walked over to the car as I was getting out and immediately grabbed me by the waist in one arm and kissed me while grabbing my tit with his free hand. I pushed him away and got back in my car and drove off, scared shitless. I deleted my ad as soon as I got home and swore off dating forever.

Forever doesn’t last long, as I met my current boyfriend a month later. I have not had to worry about the dating scene since. If anything ever happens to our relationship, I want to become a nun. Only problem is, I’m not catholic.