Oh hi guys!

I’ve got a good one for you.

Did you hear about the girl who deferred her 50k entry after blogging for weeks about how gloriously it was coming along and how awesome and inspired she was about it?

You didn’t?!

Well, that’s because she really didn’t want to write this swear wording post.

Obviously if I didn’t, though, I would be a giant toolbox, so I figured I would just sit down and try and type from my heart.

Here’s the deal.  For the next two plus weeks of my life, everything gets chaotic and hazy.  I play hostess here at Jordan’s for hundreds of chainsaw carvers and thousands of tourists.  I am lucky if I sit down and eat a meal before midnight on any given day.  I am truly blessed if I actually get more than 5 hours of sleep in a night.  Running?

Well, I do a lot of it.  Just not in the conventional sense.  Running food, yes.  Running to the liquor store, sure.  Running up and down the basement steps with 50 pound boxes of potatoes in hand… it definitely happens.

Running 15+ miles because it’s on my training schedule – you bet your sweet ass that’s not going to happen.

Recovering from this time period is even more crucial.  Seriously, I need at least a week to sit on my ass, maybe ski or swim a little, but not haul ass and get right back on the plan.  I need sleep.  I need to let my mind just rest.  I always go into Rendezvous with best intentions, but the wheels quickly fall off, and I don’t want to set myself up for that disappointment again.  Especially when, even though this is the busiest time of my year, it tends to be one of the most fun as well.  I mean, daily debauchery with a bunch of people who make art for a living?  I don’t want to regret missing out on that because I am haphazardly training for an ultra.

So, essentially, I am losing about a month of solid training 2 months before my big race.  I didn’t really think out the logistics of that one when I signed up.

I also didn’t think I was going to spend all of November and December injured when I signed up.

I also didn’t think I was going to be literally up to my ass in snow or waking up to -25 degree weather on a regular basis.  (bonehead move on my behalf.  Hello, it’s fucking winter.  In northern Pennsylvania.)

I was also just filled with such insane gusto and inspiration after my 25k, and even my half, that I figured I could plow through any obstacles.

Then there’s the other stuff.  What if I get hurt again?  Going into summer with a bum ankle when all I want to do is run and bike and race and play outside would be utterly unbearable. 

What if I do actually run the race and I do a shitty horrible job and have a terrible experience because I’m undertrained and then don’t ever want to run againThat also would be not good.

I have another trick up my sleeve, another race that actually falls on the exact same day and is not only totally achievable, but also in my hometown.  So I won’t lament the fact that I am not doing anything at all, but instead just doing something different, more within my means, and less time consuming.

And then, I figure, I have all of April-October to get ready for Green Monster 50k. 

I’m kicking myself right now, trust you me.  I hate “quitting.”  I hate admitting defeat.  But what I hate more than that is not giving something my all.  When I can’t put my very being into doing something, it’s not worth putting my name on it.  And unfortunately, I can’t in good faith go into Hyner and think I’m going to do a great job.

So there you have it.

Yay Rendezvous.

Boo injuries and arctic vortexes and ultra-marathons that happen right after winter is over.

Boo girls who have impulses and credit cards and think they can be prepared for said ultra-marathons.

Yay for self honesty, even if it means a bruised ego and a disappointing blog post.

And yay, most of all for being rational enough to know when to pull the plug.